Week 46: Great Expecations | I Still Value Manners
If I had a Euro for every time somebody else's behaviour left me speechless and puzzled, I would not need to work any longer and could comfortably enjoy my retired life travelling to exotic places and going to Starbucks five times a day instead of one.
Last week I had a rather emotional conversation with a good friend of mine (one included in the "Who is Who" dropdown). I was about an acquaintance of hers who she had tried to set me up with this summer. He is the "good catch" type of person that all mothers wish for as a son in law. Good looking and well-spoken, impressive academic credentials and a high-profile job. Said superstar-in-theory and I had several dates that were partly weird, partly entertaining, but at least had a lot of merit for sharing with friends. After the last encounter, he did what men are so good for: a disappearance act. Abducted by aliens? Reunited with his ex girlfriend? Became a member of a reclusive cult? I might never know. I am rather proud of myself for not going to the trouble to do the desperate number and beg for an explanation and chase after him. Said disappearance act happened a month ago and I had almost *forgotten* him, when my friend mentioned seeing him at an event and wanted to know what the news was. I then filled her in on the latest developments and she basically gave me a lecture on how strange she found it that I even wasted one minute interpreting this behaviour as a sign of not valuing my person/our budding friendship, etc and why I was not just angry and hated him now. I tried to convince her that I had not spent sleepless nights grieving for this non-relationship and was not the type of person to immediately hate someone, but that it I could not NOT interpret not being in touch with me following a a rather ...ahem... personal encounter as disrespect or a lack of esteem as I would at least have had the balls to call or write to explain why "hot" was being followed by "cold". She did not understand why this would make a difference to me and we almost had an argument, with me accusing her of lacking solidarity. In the end, and for the sake of our friendship, we just agreed to disagree. We have met after that heated phone call and all is good. However, it made me wonder if I am really alone in evaluating somebody else's behaviour against my own standards, i.e. how I would have reacted in the same situation?
Last week I had a rather emotional conversation with a good friend of mine (one included in the "Who is Who" dropdown). I was about an acquaintance of hers who she had tried to set me up with this summer. He is the "good catch" type of person that all mothers wish for as a son in law. Good looking and well-spoken, impressive academic credentials and a high-profile job. Said superstar-in-theory and I had several dates that were partly weird, partly entertaining, but at least had a lot of merit for sharing with friends. After the last encounter, he did what men are so good for: a disappearance act. Abducted by aliens? Reunited with his ex girlfriend? Became a member of a reclusive cult? I might never know. I am rather proud of myself for not going to the trouble to do the desperate number and beg for an explanation and chase after him. Said disappearance act happened a month ago and I had almost *forgotten* him, when my friend mentioned seeing him at an event and wanted to know what the news was. I then filled her in on the latest developments and she basically gave me a lecture on how strange she found it that I even wasted one minute interpreting this behaviour as a sign of not valuing my person/our budding friendship, etc and why I was not just angry and hated him now. I tried to convince her that I had not spent sleepless nights grieving for this non-relationship and was not the type of person to immediately hate someone, but that it I could not NOT interpret not being in touch with me following a a rather ...ahem... personal encounter as disrespect or a lack of esteem as I would at least have had the balls to call or write to explain why "hot" was being followed by "cold". She did not understand why this would make a difference to me and we almost had an argument, with me accusing her of lacking solidarity. In the end, and for the sake of our friendship, we just agreed to disagree. We have met after that heated phone call and all is good. However, it made me wonder if I am really alone in evaluating somebody else's behaviour against my own standards, i.e. how I would have reacted in the same situation?
posted at 9:00 AM
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