Monday, October 14, 2019

Uncertainty

Last week, I attended a two-day team offsite. One central topic was a pending reorganisation of our team and there were a lot of open questions as well as tension and scepticism. Each feedback round initiated by the facilitators revealed that (the majority of) people wanted more structure and clarity. It really was interesting for me to observe as I did not share these sentiments at all. I don't know if it is due to the fact that my priorities are even less at work at the moment than they usually are, or it is because I used to work in an environment that was waaay more fast-paced, where I experienced more reorgs than I can remember. Be that as it may, I felt like the odd one out (as I often do) and almost a little ashamed of my "couldn't-care-less" attitude. I'm not quite certain if it is a manifestation of that "adaptability" strength that I apparently have, or just shows that I am more superficial and shallow than I would like to admit. Be that as it may, I do think that I actually thrive and perform better when I don't know all the details and there are certain blank spots that I get to fill myself. 
In my private life, while I value spontaneity and (happy) surprises, I definitely don't enjoy uncertainty to the same degree...quite the opposite!

Monday, October 07, 2019

So Happy for You!

This was probably the one sentence I have heard most often in the past few weeks when I told friends and family about my recent change in relationship status. Many, but not all of them knew the full extent of the ups and downs (mostly the latter) of recent years and wanted to let me know they thought it was only fair that I got "rewarded" by experiencing Nice & Normal for a change. It really, really makes me happy that my friends seem genuinely happy for me! Obviously, I wish all of them the very best, too and always articulate it when the occasion arises, but it feels so nice to be on the receiving end of this and be reminded that, yep, it can be so easy and you deserve it.
Which brings me to the fact that I obviously am less good a friend to myself that the others are as I still occasionally catch myself veering towards panic mode and wondering whether I ought to stay alert and not allow myself to believe that "all's good" since that only ever happens to other people. The rational part of me knows of course that nobody is guaranteed their happy ending and everyone's trust can be betrayed, but whether they enjoy the moment or not is in their hands. So, cheers to myself!
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