Words, Words, Words

Recently I had a pretty serious fallout with someone very dear to my heart. It happened over chat and escalated quickly. In a nutshell, something I had written rubbed the other person the wrong way and they replied with a snappy retort that I found very hurtful. Cue: me sulking and waiting in vain for an apology. In a group chat, there was eerie silence or rather just a dialogue between myself and the third group member. I actually ended up getting worried that something had happened to the "offender" when the radio silence continued. The next long message I received was what I interpreted as a summary of accusations and what to me boiled down to "and now please leave me alone". I was shocked and after digesting and rereading it a few times, fired back an (in)appropriate reply. 

This all happened while I was in Bologna and even though I was in lovely company and had plenty of distractions, I kept going through these words in my head, feeling very sad and unfairly done by. I really was very upset and emotional, but all the same it was good to take a step back and think about things. No more verbal missiles were shot but we ended up talking on Monday night when misunderstandings were cleared and "business", i.e. our friendship resumed more or less where it had stopped.

It really got me thinking. As much as I love written communication (see also my previous post) and treasure words on paper in particular, it often creates misunderstandings and unintentionally might hurt the recipient because additional context is lacking, as are looks or gestures that make you realise when things are intended ironically. In chat, even the meaning of emojis is not necessarily universal and people spend hours trying to interpret what the sender might not even have put any thought into before hitting "send".

Over the years, I have also worked on letting people know more or less immediately when I feel insulted or need to clarify something. It was definitely a process as I used to be the absolute QUEEN of sulking and the undisputed world champion in expecting people (significant others in particular) to be able to read my mind at all times and to anticipate my every thought and need. Very annoying and useless indeed as I have thankfully come to realise. Unfortunately though, not everyone else has also come to that realisation and I don't deal well at all with being served a summary of "wrongdoings" weeks or even months after having committed them in the first place. It makes me suspect that all my words and actions are being secretly documented in some kind of log file only to be used against me whenever the need arises. 

Also, I think that in most relationships, be they amorous, platonic, or sometimes even familial, there is one person who is more emotionally invested than the other and thus extra sensitive and touchy. That goes so far that I know some girls who are actively looking to find someone who likes them more than they like them as it's obviously good for the ego and you can't be hurt as easily...in theory.

Myself, I have pretty much always sensed from the start which side the "emotional scale" had a bias towards and when I know it's to my likely disadvantage often have a foreboding that it's only a matter of time until I will be disappointed. Well, hello there, self-fulfilling prophecy.