Tuesday, September 26, 2006

biological warfare

When I walked into my room today, I was hit by the unbearable stench of raw onion. Turns out alien-from-outer-space (hereinafter to be referred to as AFOS) generously rubbed her sore throat with juicy raw onions (!) this morning before wrapping an Hermès foulard (!!) around it and leaving the house.

Don't get me wrong, I've heard of this remedy myself and I truly sympathise with a killer sore throat, having been afflicted myself only recently BUT WE FUCKING SIT IN A WINDOWLESS ROOM TOGETHER FROM 9 TO 17:30 AND THERE'S FEW SMELLS I HATE MORE THAN THAT OF RAW ONION.

Stay tuned, dear reader, to find out whether manslaughter (how many years would I get in view of the mitigating circumstances I wonder) has taken place @ Coma HQ. Coming soon to an office near you (hopefully not).

10:30 (update): Horror of horrors - I just found out that she did not just rub her throat but is in fact wearing pieces of onion in a gauze bandage under the Hermès scarf. Puke. I've sent her out to the library where her killer fumes are scaring away our last guests and where she is driving our security guard up the wall...

5 Comments:

Blogger ka-ma said...

Gee, she is the Japanese one, right? Nevertheless, I am not sure she could get away with it here in Japan...they are very sensitive about smells. I am hundred percent sure they wouldn't allow it in the office! I guess she thought she could do it, because she is in Europe!

9/27/2006 12:34:00 AM  
Blogger onemorehandbag said...

Kama, she is indeed Japanese and also claims to be hyper-sensitive to smells, theatrically convulsing in sneezing fits when I wear perfume. The smell of onion must be more pleasant to her olfactory nerves than my perfume...Be that as it may, she decided to stay at home today. PHEW!

9/27/2006 09:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha hihi - this is a good one :-)

9/27/2006 12:59:00 PM  
Blogger johannes said...

wow... yeah, i've heard rumors that the japanese are about to revise their pacifist constitution, but i'd never have thought they'd start their new warmongering here in little austria. my condolences. i recently witnessed a chinese girl rubbing here WHOLE body with sticky water melon pieces... well, nothing compares to onion, right? ^^

9/27/2006 05:24:00 PM  
Blogger onemorehandbag said...

Sticky watermelon? I better not tell CFOS about it, I'm sure she'd try that at home. At least the smell would be pleasant, though

9/27/2006 05:27:00 PM  

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