Monday, September 28, 2020

In My Bubble


Whenever there is a discussion about how people have been affected by the recent months, and the lockdown in particular, psychologically, I used to stress how privileged and UNaffected I, personally, was due to the fact that I did not have to juggle homeschooling and work or fight for desk space with somebody else who needed to work from home. Yes, I spent long hours in video conferences and suffered some orthopaedic consequences, but I knew that I still had my well-paid job and enjoyed weeks of domestic bliss with my relatively new partner whom I got to know really well over time. I have come to reconsider my theory because I do think I have been affected myself. For once, I have noticed a heightened sense of concern that something could happen to Highflyer and I am pretty good at imagining all kinds of worst case scenarios in only mildly dangerous situations, like recently, when I was in Klagenfurt and he fell asleep on his sofa with the phone battery flat. My mind went into overdrive (car accident? sudden heart attack?). Also, I seem to struggle with the fact that life is slowly going back to normal for other people as well and when Highflyer got his duty plan for October it turned out that he will be working almost like in the "old days" including all weekends. I was in a sulky mood all evening, feeling sorry for myself and the fact that he would not be able to come to Carinthia with me for example. At the same time, I felt ashamed as I knew how good and important it was that he does have work to do as the industry he works in is one of the most affected by the Corona Crisis. I have just somehow come to feel very entitled and took it for granted that we would have a lot of quality time like in the past months forever, with all inconvenient intrusions into our bubble successfully blocked out.


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