Monday, September 23, 2019

It Takes Two

These past weeks I've been happy to a degree I seriously didn't know was possible. I felt like somebody who just had a cataract operation and can now see vibrant colours again. I am so filled with warm and fluffy emotions I am sometimes scared I might explode any minute from not being able to contain it all.  I've decided not to let my precious unicorn go anywhere anytime soon and it seems he's fine with that. Oh, and he needs an alias here. "Highflyer" comes to mind, so we'll call him that.
After a lot of (mostly unnecessary) drama in the past 10 plus years of my life, I realised already a while ago that I am SO done with emotional abuse and investing energy in selfish people whose interest in me is temporary if that. I am fully aware of the fact that I was a more or less willing accomplice in a great portion of that drama and have nobody else to blame for playing along, but myself. Let's call it a learning curve and something I had to experience in order to figure out what I want and need, if only by negative definition at first. It is so easy to label ourselves as a victim and deny any responsibility for feeling miserable and depressed. I learnt the hard way that all I needed was a change of MY mindset and definition of MY boundaries in order to escape from the vicious circle. Basically, I should have taken to heart the message of a t-shirt I bought 8 years ago. As crazy as it sounds: perhaps a few years ago I might not have been ready for somebody who makes me profoundly happy and who not only appreciates but reciprocates what I feel for him. But now I am and that's why my happiness level is 11 on a scale of 10.


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