When I Grow Up

 

I am writing this from my bedroom at my parents'. It is not my childhood bedroom as my parents moved into this house the summer I graduated from high school and moved to Vienna, but there are quite a few childhood memories around of course. Exactly in one month I will turn 54 (?!?) and yet I seriously often catch myself being impressed by other people doing "grown-up" things, in particular people in their twenties or thirties around me. Our most recent intern at the office (25) bought a house together with her fiancé, an age when I had not even finished studying and would definitely not have considered purchasing a property/getting a loan to do so. 

Whenever I am in my flat in Vienna, where there's a lot of...stuff...cough...I resolve to do a massive decluttering and clear-out "very soon", gradually realising that it's easy to miss the sweet spot when you're motivated and capable of doing so. Having bought a house with everything in it from the previous owner and seeing my mother clearing out Dad's (who was extremely organised and not a hoarder) stuff definitely has been a wake-up call in this regard. It's unreal how much the average financially comfortable person accumulates over the years and it's rare to find someone that really appreciates it all when they are gone. 

Decisions

I have many character flaws and faults, but being indecisive is definitely not among them and I consider myself a pretty spontaneous person. Last Friday, I bought a new car without much deliberation (having done some online research, of course). Unfortunately I will not get it before Christmas, but maybe this is for the better, giving me more time to acquaint myself with it before driving to Carinthia in potentially bad winter weather. Highflyer jokingly teased one of his sisters with my "impulse buy" as she bought her most recent car after months of intense research and test drives that involved him as her remote sparring partner. She is very comfortable, financially, so money is definitely not the reason behind her deliberation and yet it felt like the most difficult decision ever and she ended up driving to Germany to buy the particular (second hand) car she eventually decided on. Admittedly, my impatient nature might play a large part in this attitude of mine, meaning that I reach that stage of "okay, can't be bothered any more" a little sooner than the average person. In some cases this might turn out to my disadvantage in the long run, but so far: no complaints.

 

Making Memories

This Christmas will be different in many ways. To start with the negative aspect: it will be the first one without my Dad. However, it will also be the first ever Christmas spent together with my husband at the country house (Mum is joining us) and I am really looking forward to starting new traditions. Highflyer has to work as usual, but will be home by dinner-time and get to experience my family's traditional fondue (Chinoise). Tree ornaments and candles are already sorted and yesterday we got our tree, bought from a little market set up in front of the village church. It will probably be a rather melancholic Christmas, but nonetheless I am really looking forward to it.

 

It's a Man's World...

I consider myself an independent and self-sufficient woman who doesn't necessarily need a man to do things for her. After all I was single for years and survived just fine. However, I also have over half a decade of experience and so I choose to delegate some (admittedly very few) tasks to my better half. Such as talking business with companies who buy wrecked cars and tow them away so you don't have to. It may be sad sign that our society is backward, patriarchal and conservative, but I just know that I ultimately will get a better deal if I have Highflyer to call these men and negotiate on my behalf. So, bottom-line: I win.

Refundable

For the second time within a month I have cancelled a hotel reservation for a trip abroad. The first time was after my car accident and Covid infection, now it was because I had not booked the flight yet, but the price for tickets had gone up and travelling on a standby ticket was risky when I need to be at the office the day afterwards. Both times I had already paid the hotel room, but got a refund within minutes. Old me would have chanced the cheaper non-refundable rate and been certain that nothing would happen to prevent me on going on the planned trip. Current pandemic-proofed me has learnt that things can occur that eff up your plans. I am still itching to go on a mini trip abroad, but it probably won't happen this year.

Me Time

Last week I was in Vienna Mon-Thurs and the same will be the case this week. After several city-based days, most of which I also have evening plans on, I am longing for some downtime in the country house. Due to Highflyer's job, I am sometimes on my own for all or the greater part of my (long) weekends and much as I cherish his company, I never get bored or lonely when I'm alone there and really enjoy quiet, uneventful me time in the burbs. Time for kitchen experiments and DIY projects, no social obligations, hence no need to put on makeup. Bliss! Some people (my mother included) find it selfish to not want children and while I used to argue against that in the past, being able to enjoy several totally selfish days on end makes me see their point. Guilty as charged and very happy with my own company.

Jump Scare

random unrelated Japanese intersection

Even though I already drove my mother's car the day after our recent accident and am currently browsing potential new cars, I have noticed that the shock sits deeper than I initially thought. I have become THAT annoying passenger when sitting next to Highflyer, alerting him of every potential hazardous driver in my peripheral vision. Okay, I am exaggerating, but roundabouts are definitely a bit of a challenge as I have problems trusting others to stop and give way when they should. The moment when the other car crashed into mine keeps coming back at random moments and I hope it won't stay rent-free in my head forever. On a positive note, it definitely was a good reminder to pay more attention oneself and don't expect others to follow the rules.